I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
