You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
