my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
