The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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