you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
