I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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