Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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