Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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