me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
