so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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