Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
