I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
