Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize