Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
