I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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