I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
