Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
