so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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