i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
