I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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