4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
