Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
