Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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