I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
