This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
