fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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