My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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