Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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