Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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