For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
