I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
