fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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