I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
