Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
