You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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