My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
