Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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