dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
