just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
