my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
