I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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