If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize