Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
