i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize