Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
