Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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