guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
