She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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