I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
