The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think my moral compass just broke
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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