she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
