we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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