I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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