You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
