That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
