i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
