fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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