the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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