me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
