Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
