I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
