Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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