My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
