she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
