I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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