Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
