you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
