Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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