woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
