There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
