I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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