i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
