Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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