I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
