what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm bleeding and have questions
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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