I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
