Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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