White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
