well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
