my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
