some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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