You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
