Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So. Much. Porn.
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