Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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