I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
